One Voice Was Heard

As I toss and turn
weighted thoughts and numerous warning
echo in my mind
and I find I don't care what happens anymore
love like it never gonna hurt
this could be everything and nothing
the thing that sends me right or over the edge
It could be as good as it could be bad.
I see the delicate brush strokes and my fate is painted
with a delicate hand careful and gentle
but the painting itself it that of scribbles
drippings and splatters
carefully planned chaos
and the chaos I live and die for every time
But when I listen to my music
I always listen to music and know to take knowledge from it
I feel it taste it listen carefully
I even think in music
and I hear that faint humming in the back
It was the same with Todd
I knew not to go but if it hadn't been for him
I would still be that terrified little girl
wallowing in a dark hole
we must learn to love and hate all
use every chance to learn from our mistakes
this will be a regret
but maybe one I need to have weighting my mind
or maybe it will be what picks my mind to bits little by little
Look into my eyes what do you see?
yes, I have lost my mind
I ride on a Roller Coaster ride
and my heart doesn't know if it
should sink into my stomach or lodge into my throat
I will never truly know what to do again
but I hear my lonely lullaby echo in my mind
and I realize that time is not much
and mine is running out
In the sands of time 16 years is barely even the tinniest grain
But perhaps I may make my mark stand out
that one voice is faint
barely a faint whisper in a scream of warnings
but it is more powerful then any could ever amplify
out of the dark and doubting shadows of my mind
one voice, the one i needed to hear
the one I will regret as much as I do Todd
the voice which awoken me from my sleeping refuge
to the dark oblivion I live in
and reminded me you can't drift in a dream for life
Justin gave me Love and all the life I need
But his death gave me death, it gave me hate, it gave me anger, it gave me fury
Todd gave me life, gave me strength, gave me knowledge
Now he will give me peace, and give me understanding
The voice of my life and lessons to learn
My dear friends you will not know of what I speak for some time
Or who for quite a while
Many will anger and many will be sad
but trust my lonely lullaby my loved ones
for it has gotten me into trouble but never steered me wrong
because in the end, my decision was made
Because
One voice was heard